Another Actual Rant

You guys may have noticed, I don't rant all that much on the Coaster, despite my tantalizing promise on the Blogday Schedule. Check out my "rant" label... six rants, including today? Compared with twenty-one "random" posts? Pathetic. I should rant about myself! Complete with exaggerated abuse of exclamation points!!!!

It's just... I can't usually muster the energy to feel furious over anything. Still, I adore reading other people's rants, and I am devoted to the concept of a Wednesday rant. Now... today... that devotion will finally pay off.

Vomit. No, that wasn't a command. It's the topic of my rant. I have sick kids with some kind of horrifying stomach virus and I'm tired from late night puke-in-bed atrocities. It's too much, too much I say! Too many hours! Too many relatives giving useless suggestions!! Ohhh and there's another reason to rant! 

I hereby rant against "helpful" relatives and their old-timey and/or new-agey cure alls! (Notice the poignant use of quotations to highlight how NOT helpful they are!). Why is Vick's vapor rub the answer when he has no sinus issues? Why must we consult with relatives in other countries over the issue of a completely run-of-the-mill horrific stomach virus? How will rubbing the skin of a plantain over my two-year-old's belly keep him well? Don't answer that, blog friends; you are all writers and I know you'll come up with dozens of creative possibilities. Hmm, that might be fun... on second thought, answer away!

But back to the rant. Basically, I'm a horrible mother for not following everyone's advice, and that is why my kids are still sick. Rage, fury, long aggravated sighs of pent up hostility! More exclamation point abuse!!!!

And now, the final piece to the rant (I enjoy things that come in threes). Laundry. There's so much laundry. I hate normal laundry, so this kind of laundry is like my seventh circle of hell. The smells are vivid and clashing. Puke + fabric softener = putrid.

So much puke. So many reasons to feel ranty. But I'm tired. Not just tired in body, but in spirit. I can't go on. I've been beaten into submission. I accept my fate, World. I accept more puke than should be physically possible coming out of a two-year-old. I accept passive-aggressive, possibly insane relatives who delight in crushing my spirit. I accept overwhelming laundry that could turn the stomach of a war veteran. I accept personal issues that aren't appropriate for posting on a public blog. I understand, World! No rest for the weary, right? If anyone needs me I'll be off in that corner, my eyes half-closed, clutching the disinfectant spray and ready to come to life at a moment's yacking.

Getting it Right: The Satisfaction of a Good Revision

Writing is hard work. I don't mean to make it sound like it isn't, but it's fun hard work, right? To us writers, at least. We write because we enjoy it, the way math people enjoy solving long, complicated equations with odd symbols and way too many letters. The easy stuff isn't as gratifying, for math people or writing people, and finishing a novel is definitely the easiest part of the writing process.

There IS a huge rush of excitement in completing the first draft. I think sometimes though, writers tend to focus on the joy of that draft-- the story and characters and the world itself-- and see revisions as a time of frustration. We know things aren't right... pacing or character development or plot or dialogue (or all those things and more) and it seems impossible to fix them. But those things are what make a story great. And it's fun (weird, writerly fun) working on them, don't you think? Even if it's hard? There's nothing more satisfying in my writing than seeing a story I've written finally look less like the lump of clay I started with and more like something someone might want to look at. Satisfying isn't a strong enough word to describe it. It's intensely gratifying. I envisioned something incredible in my mind, and my first draft is not that incredible thing. I want to know what's wrong and I want to fix it, and I get all sparkly-happy inside when a scene or a chapter finally gets there... or at least, as close to "there" as I can make it.

Maybe you're great at reducing passive voice, or maybe you're awesome at improving dialogue. Or maybe I'm alone in enjoying the revision process, but here are my favorite things to work on: tightening up the writing, increasing intensity, and (one that I'd been forgetting but absolutely LOVE when I remember), adding sensory imagery. What about you? Is there anything you enjoy about the revision process?

Tag--you're it!

Okay, I'm playing! Here's the latest meme going around. Wendy tagged me yesterday, and I'm supposed to tag two other bloggers... Oh man, I'm late in the game... everybody's done this one already! Wait, not these two... I tag Catherine and Mary! 

So I have to answer all these questions about my writing. I'm all about inclusion, so if you feel left out and want to play, let me know and I'll tag you too and add your link here as officially "playing!"

Okayyyy, now for the questions. I don't share very well, but here goes (cringe.):

1. What's the last thing you wrote? What's the first thing you wrote that you still have?

The last thing I wrote was a chapter in my wip, Fated. The first thing I wrote, that I still have, is a horrible, 120K novel that I have no plans on bringing back from the dead. Then it would be a zombie. Hmm... a zombie novel... (I'm kidding! No zombie novels from me!)

2. Write poetry?

Not on purpose. Accidental rhyming narrative is definitely not poetry.

3. Angsty poetry?

Ayyyyy, I will admit that in high school I filled notebooks with angsty poetry. I don't like being reminded of those humiliating works of desperate, heartbreaking love and longing. Double-cringe... and also, ewww!

4. Favorite genre of writing?

YA romance. 

5. Most annoying character you've ever created?

MOST annoying... she was a new grad, I can't remember her name but she bothered me so much I never finished her story. Stupid, annoying whiner. (Annoying whiner was trapped on an island with no food or shelter, blah blah whine whine. That kind of story needed a stronger MC).

6. Best Plot you've ever created?

Fated, naturally.

7. Coolest Plot twist you've ever created?

The one in Fated... and it's fabulous. Or horrible. Depends on my mood.

8. How often do you get writer's block?

Mostly I don't get fully blocked... I get sluggish. Writer's sluggishness doesn't have the same ring to it, though. And sluggish makes it sound like I need more writer fiber in my diet.

9. Write fan fiction?

No way, dude. My head can't wrap itself around writing someone else's stories. Besides, I don't have the time!

10. Do you type or write by hand?

Type. I can't read my own handwriting.

11. Do you save everything you write?

Yes, ever since starting the first, horrendous novel.

12. Do you ever go back to an idea after you've abandoned it?

Yes. I abandoned Sinister for a while, then I reworked the beginning and changed the whole story from 1st person to third. And going back to an old idea is also how Fated was reborn. I started Fated after writing my second novel, Sinister, but I couldn't get a handle on Fated. I went with a different idea and wrote Wishmaker. After finishing that, Fated wouldn't leave me alone so I went back to it. Now things seem to be going good :)

13. What's your favorite thing you've ever written?

A short story that was accepted for publication. The magazine, Arabella, went out of business before my slotted month came up :( Super sadness, validation to friends and family lost, a publishing credit lost, boo hoo poor me.

14. What's everyone else's favorite story that you've written?

I have no idea.

15. Ever written romance or angsty teen drama?

Yes on both. My short story is romance, and my first horrendous novel is romance. Sinister and Wishmaker are both angsty teen drama. I'm pretty sure Fated is too.

16. What's your favorite setting for your characters?

Hmm. I like writing about the beach.

17. How many writing projects are you working on right now?

One and a half. Fated, obviously. Also, I keep going back to Sinister. Eventually I'd like to take a good look at Wishmaker and decide what went wrong there (I'm not pleased with the story, now that the dust has settled).

18. Have you ever won an award for your writing?

Nope. But can I still be a winner?

19. What are your five favorite words?

I want to steal Wendy's, but I'll do my own. "Diana Paz, represented by agent..."

20. What character have you created that is most like yourself?

They're all a little like me, and they're all nothing like me. I can't really decide.

21. Where do you get ideas for your characters?

I have absolutely no idea, but I think places inspire them. I was at my mom's, looking at the funky Snow White cottage across the street-- the same one I'd seen since I was in tenth grade, and all the characters from Sinister appeared out of nowhere, fully formed and walking around in my head. For Fated, I was looking through prom pictures (my prom was on the Queen Mary in Long Beach Harbor) and the characters came out of nowhere, like actual people. I wanted to write their story.

22. Do you ever write based on your dreams?

I don't think I do. Maybe they're dreams that I've forgotten.

23. Do you favor happy endings?

Yes. 

24. Are you concerned with spelling and grammar as you write?

As far as my spell check reminds me, yes. Otherwise, only during revisions.

25. Does music help you write?

It helps me get ready to write, but once I start writing I like it as quiet as earthly possible.

26. Quote something you've written. Whatever pops into your head.

Whatever pops into my head? Can I cheat and look? This must be what comedians feel like when someone randomly asks them to "be funny." 

Okay, here's mine: 

"Julia, are you almost done?" Mom asked. "It's after midnight. I thought you said it was only a five page essay."

Julia stared at the solitary sentence on her screen. The French and American revolutions were the same and different in many ways. "Yeah Mom," she called back. "I'm basically almost finished. I'm just going to-- you know-- read over the whole thing and make sure it sounds right. Look for typos and stuff." 

Congrats Elana! And the Five Happy Things Challenge

This happened three weeks ago, but I'm slow! CONGRATULATIONS Elana Johnson! Elana is now an agent-represented author! If you don't follow Elana, you should. She is incredible and knowledgeable, and she has an ebook called From the Query to the Call and also hosts a blog called Query Ninja. Now she is represented by Michelle Andelman of Lynn C. Franklin Associates!! Here is her big announcement. Woo woo!!

Now, back to today's blog post...

Today is my anti-rant. It's the day I look at the bright side of the past week. So here is my idea for this week: list five things that make me happy... and hopefully hear yours too.

Five Things That Make Me Happy

(Not including money. Or other baseline happiness factors like my kids, my husband, and my writing. See? That's three right there! Too easy).

(And not things that would make me happy, like... world peace or an end to all human suffering.)

Okay then...

Five Specific Things That Make Me Happy

1.   A Roy Rogers. Not the cowboy, the Coke with maraschino cherries and grenadine. And extra cherries, please! (I know, it sounds like a Cherry Coke, but it's so much sweeter. Bring on a small scoop of vanilla ice cream and you're my new BFF). Actually a lot of sweetened beverages make me happy. A nonfat white chocolate mocha with a pump of pumpkin spice is heaven (heavennnn!). Also a mug of hot cocoa with mini chocolate chips swirled in and topped with huge dollop of marshmallow fluff, yummmmers!

2.   Being around people who "get" books. This is why I love blogging . And I love bookstores. And I love my friend who reads. And I really love writer conferences. There is something heady about being around so many people who live their lives around the same passion. Hearing people talk about authors and plot and character, and especially hearing agents and editors talk about these things in panel discussions. I love the enthusiasm for the industry. I love not being alone.

3.   An airplane vacation. Ooooh, it's pure happiness when I get on an airplane. I disconnect from L.A. and leave the worries of everyday life behind. And no matter how tight our budget or how small the hotel room, I have a blasty-blast. It's a vacation! My senses are sharpened; everything smells better and tastes more delicious... I'm more awake and alive, and when I look back at a given year, the first thing I remember is where we went on vacation.

4.   Desserts. I was going to say pie, which is almost always my favorite, (I did say this was a specific list, after all), but really, any dessert makes me happy. There are these amazing chocolate chip cookie cherry pie cheesecake cups I make... okay, I made them once. I don't "make" things all that often (sorry kids, I'm not that kind of mom). But I made them once and oh man, they were what happiness tastes like.

5.   A really good massage. My awesome husband once bought me an official full body massage from a ritzy salon-- uber ritzy-- as in, they wrapped me in a warmed robe and gave me a glass of pineapple-mango fruit drink with a splash of coconut milk to enjoy while I waited. And the massage... with scented candles and heated oils and soft music playing alongside the sound of water trickling from a mini-fountain in the corner. Joy! Bliss! I finally understood the happiness that is the spa. I haven't had a second helping of that brand of pampering (pricey, folks) but the knowledge that something like that exists in the world makes me happy.

Did anyone else notice that forty percent of my list is food? Maybe forty-five, if the pineapple-mango juice counts. That's ridiculous!

Anyway, let's hear yours. Are there five things in the world that make you happy? Three, maybe? Ten! What are they? Blog or post a comment. :)

Random Wednesday: Funnies, Feathers, and Flash

No rant today, no major complaints. Just the usual, kids-driving-me-insane type of stuff. Yawn, who wants to rant about that? Anyway, life is happily decent :) Wow, I almost wrote, "Life is good," but that might tempt the universe a little too much. (Really Diana? Life is good? How about this! And this! Anything good about THIS? Bwahahahaaa!!). 

No, that's okay. I'm not superstitious or anything (really, I am), but why chance it? Life is happily decent.

So, being without a rant, this post gets to be COMPLETELY random. Are you ready for it?

Some of the random things 

I've stumbled across this week!

Natalie at Sound of the Rain posted this cartoon, haha!

I have AWESOME commenters though! Thank you guys!

Here is a sign I saw on "Unnecessary" (the blog of unnecessary, quote-unquote, "quotes"). 

Whenever I read signs with unnecessary quotes, I imagine some dude reading the sign out loud, using finger quotes in the air... adding, "If you know what I mean," to the end. So what, exactly, will they be giving the children?

In other randomness, I have a couple more flashes over on Flashy Fiction. Are you flashing yet? It's fun!!

Click HERE for wacky police hijinx.

Click HERE for a guy with a crush on his hairdresser.

Semi-lastly, I love Cake Wrecks, but this awesome wedding cake was actually sent to me by my mom, after I told her about Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (no, she didn't go to this blissful event. She found the picture on the internet):

 

And now, Cake Wrecks for reals. Ahhh, the hilarity of turkey cakes, with their unfortunate, poo-on-legs shaped heads. Is it okay that I wrote "poo" in my blog?

 

I can't imagine what thoughts were going through this cake-decorator's mind as he added legs to the poo, but there are WAYYYY more turkey cake pics for your enjoyment, and way worse ones if you're in the mind for some junior high laughter. Check out Cake Wrecks: A Fine Feathered Salute.

Now it's time to bring it back around to writing. I keep forgetting to check my word count for WIP Wednesday. It couldn't have changed much, though, because last week I focused on other writerly-related issues, including beta-ing. This week should be more wip intensive. So, how is your writing coming along?