Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I Am Portobello Mushrooms

The Wednesday Rant is here! Somewhere inside me the alliteration beast I keep chained up wants to call it Wednesday Whinings. Rant is so intense an image. I picture people stomping around, tearing at their hair and throwing their microwave burritos against the wall in pent up rage and frustration. Not really my thing. Still, a blog is about venting to a certain extent, right? Maybe I'll call it the Vendsday Vent, bwa-ha-ha-ha!

Possible ranting/whining/venting topics:

People Who Don't Return Books. This is on my mind every time I look at my bookcase. Rant-rant-rant, it's my own fault for lending out the books so what do I have to rant about? 

People Who See You Engrossed in a Novel But Insist on Making Small-Talk. This just happened to me in the doctor's office but again, myself to blame. I tend to make eye-contact and smile when I enter a room. Combine that with the fact that I was raised to endure torture and eat poison before making anyone feel bad, and the outcome is, put the book away and chit-chat with the nice lady.

License Plate Frames/Bumper Stickers That Make No Sense. Is this book/writing related? No, but I'm going with it because I enjoy witty bumper stickers and license plate frames and I saw one yesterday that confounded me. Maybe you can figure it out... A license plate frame that says: "I AM PORTOBELLO MUSHROOMS." What. Gives. I almost followed the lady down a wrong turn trying figure out the code I was missing. And the worst is, no one who I tell this story to believes me! There's nothing more frustrating than begging someone to believe when you're telling the truth!!! Okay that was a blanket statement but not being believed is at least on the top ten list of frustrating feelings. Everyone thinks I was confused and it must have said "I LOVE PORTOBELLO MUSHROOMS" or "I GROW PORTOBELLO MUSHROOMS", but I promise you, as I sit and type this it did say I-AM-portobello-mushrooms. If the lady in the car's purpose was to have someone's mind thrown into the spin-cycle for the rest of their drive home, she succeeded. You win P-shroom lady, wherever you are! I am portobello mushrooms too!

I admire people with bumper stickers. It seems so damaging to the paint! Do you have anything on your car? Your Alma Mater? Your favorite band? One that says, "If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished" or "Make way for the princess"? 

A quick search on Google provided these gems: 
  • "The Book Was Better." 
  • "Destiny Has Brought us Together"
  • "I Ignored Your Friend Request"
  • "Don't Judge a Book by its Movie"
  • "Shh...I'm listening to a book"
  • "I Believe I Have a Keen Sense of Humor But it's Hard to Convey that Sense on a Bumper Sticker."
Let me know of any good ones you've seen! :)


  1. I hate it too when people interrupt when I'm in the middle of a good story. I almost feel violent. I also hate it when I laugh at something I'm reading and someone asks me what was so funny. The license plate frame or sticker that doesn't make sense to me is 'Obama for President' - I just don't get it. hee hee, guess I shouldn't get political.

  2. Oh Mary, I know exactly what you mean about laughing out loud in a story. There's no way to explain what was funny!! Isn't it usually non-readers who ask that?

    And you can be anything you want here on the Coaster, even political, as long as long as it's civilized! :)

  3. Oh my gosh! Where have you been my whole life, Diana? You are hilarious. I love your blog!

  4. Bethany! You are such a sweetheart :) Thanks for visiting my blog and congratulations again!

  5. I enjoyed your Vednesday Venting. What can I say, you make me smile. :)

    Usually when I lend out a book that doesn't get returned, I vow never to lend out a beloved book again. But I can't help myself from wanting to share a book (that I loved) with someone else. It's a vicious cycle, really.

    Lately, I've seen a few licence plate frames that say, "Get out of my way... the princess has to pee!"

    And a bumper sticker that said, "Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment."
    tee hee :D

  6. Aw Jessica, thank you! Making you smile is a true compliment and as I'm typing this I can say you've done the same kindness to me :) :)

    Oooo I am exactly the same about lending books! The story enjoyment continues if I can share the experience with someone, so even though it's a gamble I wind up lending out again...

    Love the lunch bumper sticker!! Ha!

  7. I saw a bumper sticker that I nearly took a picture of. It said, "Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car."

    It's not a bumper sticker but I have a t-shirt that says "One by one... the penguins are stealing my sanity." It's my favorite t-shirt because it's completely meaningless.

  8. Hi Wendy!! I've been enjoying your blog, so happy you could come by!

    That alien bumper sticker is awesome!! I'd have contemplated a picture too, ha! But your penguins shirt would have driven me CRAZY! I would probably follow you around a store trying to figure it out and then decide it must have to do with Wallace and Gromitt. I don't think it would have ever occurred to me that it was completely meaningless lol!