Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Another Actual Rant

You guys may have noticed, I don't rant all that much on the Coaster, despite my tantalizing promise on the Blogday Schedule. Check out my "rant" label... six rants, including today? Compared with twenty-one "random" posts? Pathetic. I should rant about myself! Complete with exaggerated abuse of exclamation points!!!!

It's just... I can't usually muster the energy to feel furious over anything. Still, I adore reading other people's rants, and I am devoted to the concept of a Wednesday rant. Now... today... that devotion will finally pay off.

Vomit. No, that wasn't a command. It's the topic of my rant. I have sick kids with some kind of horrifying stomach virus and I'm tired from late night puke-in-bed atrocities. It's too much, too much I say! Too many hours! Too many relatives giving useless suggestions!! Ohhh and there's another reason to rant! 

I hereby rant against "helpful" relatives and their old-timey and/or new-agey cure alls! (Notice the poignant use of quotations to highlight how NOT helpful they are!). Why is Vick's vapor rub the answer when he has no sinus issues? Why must we consult with relatives in other countries over the issue of a completely run-of-the-mill horrific stomach virus? How will rubbing the skin of a plantain over my two-year-old's belly keep him well? Don't answer that, blog friends; you are all writers and I know you'll come up with dozens of creative possibilities. Hmm, that might be fun... on second thought, answer away!

But back to the rant. Basically, I'm a horrible mother for not following everyone's advice, and that is why my kids are still sick. Rage, fury, long aggravated sighs of pent up hostility! More exclamation point abuse!!!!

And now, the final piece to the rant (I enjoy things that come in threes). Laundry. There's so much laundry. I hate normal laundry, so this kind of laundry is like my seventh circle of hell. The smells are vivid and clashing. Puke + fabric softener = putrid.

So much puke. So many reasons to feel ranty. But I'm tired. Not just tired in body, but in spirit. I can't go on. I've been beaten into submission. I accept my fate, World. I accept more puke than should be physically possible coming out of a two-year-old. I accept passive-aggressive, possibly insane relatives who delight in crushing my spirit. I accept overwhelming laundry that could turn the stomach of a war veteran. I accept personal issues that aren't appropriate for posting on a public blog. I understand, World! No rest for the weary, right? If anyone needs me I'll be off in that corner, my eyes half-closed, clutching the disinfectant spray and ready to come to life at a moment's yacking.


  1. So sorry Diana - of course every mother knows how you feel about puking kids and long nights *ugh*, but I don't know about lots of relatives giving you old-timey and bizarre advice. It would almost be funny if I didn't understand how tired and frustrated you are.

    Love you! Hope your kids are all well soon and that you get some much need rest.

  2. Oh man, I hope your little ones get well SOON.

  3. Hope your kids start feeling better soon (my wife once had an ileus after eating sushi -- vomited at 1 a.m. in the morning... worst smell and cleaning experience of my life).

    Your point about vapor rub cracked me up. Gotta love family.

  4. Mary- That's okay, I have to laugh or I'll end up telling everyone to take a flying leap.

    Catherine- Thank you!! Me too. It looks like the littlest one has been keeping down his fluids for three straight hours. I don't want to get too optimistic here, though.

    Bane! Or Anubis! Hi and thank you for stopping by :) I'm laughing at your worst smell/cleaning experience and I can tell you know exactly what I'm talking about. As soon as I heard my eight-year-old's whimpery "Mommyyy?" I knew I was done for.

  5. Ugh. Vomit is definitely the low point of motherhood. I have so been there. I hope everyone gets feeling better soon!

  6. Ugh. I'm so sorry. I hate the stomach flu. I sometimes just wash things three times rather than scrub anything off. I can't do it. What annoys me is that it seems like every anti-nausea medicine on the planet is bright staining red.

    Just so you know, coke has a tummy-nummy affect. In fact, you can buy coke syrup in some pharmacies for nausea. I buy the syrup and use it as an adult. Works better than the anti-nausea stuff in my opinion. So, we use flat ginger ale and coke syrup in our house.

  7. I hate pukey sickness. I have a tendency to start vomiting the moment I see others do it, so I totally feel your pain. I tend to cover all surfaces with large bedspreads so I don't have the smell in my house or carpet. Large bowls help, too. I'm totally all about chemical therapy. My drug of choice, phenergan. If my kids have been throwing up too much, I beg the doctor for mercy.

  8. Oh, you poor thing. We keep a red garbage can, better known as "Joshy's bucket," by his my son's side nearly 24/7 cause that kid can throw for no reason at all. So I feel your pain.

  9. Well, nobody's had the stomach virus in my household for a while, but my youngest did puke quite a bit last week when she had a vicious cold (won't give you the dirty details, but I'm sure you know what a cough-induced puking session is like.) Sending a virtual can of Lysol your way and I hope everyone feels better soon:)

  10. Laundry. My nemesis. If I had a million dollars, I'd hire someone to do all of my family's laundry! And I'd write twice as much.

  11. Hi Angie, I agree. In the scope of normal motherhood, there are few things I look forward to less. Right now I'd have a hard time naming any!

    Thanks Natialie! :)

    Hi Wendy, thanks for the coke tip. I know exactly what you're saying about the laundry. Scraping off stuff is enough to make me nauseous.

    Hi Tina, I didn't even know doctors would give out anything chemical for it! Every time I've taken my pukey kids to the doctor it's been a waste of a copay because they just tell me to give fluids, pfft.

    Oh wow Corey. I'm sorry to hear that. Poor Joshy... but "Joshy's Bucket" sounds kind of funny :)

    Hi Melissa, it had been at least a year since stomach virus paid a visit to our home. I'm glad to hear your youngest is doing better. Cough-induced puking sounds awful!

    Hi Bethany, I had to laugh because I was thinking Perry the Platypus with your comment lol. I am totally copying your million-dollar idea. I would rather have a laundry-person than a cook, hands down.

  12. I love Perry the Platypus--that is all.