Thursday, December 15, 2011

Four-Year-Old's Minor Surgery, A Warm and Fuzzy

Mommy adventures! I could easily blog daily about Mommy adventures. Yesterday it was four-year-old creating POTIONS with all the liquids he could find in the refrigerator. Milk, orange juice, and Italian dressing don't mix. *sighs* I suppose it was my fault for cackling over the pot of mashed potatoes I'd been making.

In keeping with the medical calamity theme of when four-year-old was two-year-old and he shoved a Lego up his nose (read that delightful trip to the emergency room here), today I'll be sharing the tale of four-year-old's surgery today. Much less harrowing and more warm-fuzzyish, all things considered.

Four-year-old was born with a little something different with his left ear. It could've meant nothing at all, but it needed to be monitored to make sure it wouldn't lead to hearing loss. We recently found out that it needed to be taken care of surgically. This morning, off we went to the outpatient hospital and I'm happy to report, all went well.

Look at how calmly I wrote all of that! Did you even recognize me?! Shoot, I can be super zen now, because all did go well. Let's all pretend I was the cool, collected figure I'm portraying... I'm totally that way when it comes to my kids going into surgery! Reasonable and rational, heck YES. ~guilty glance~ Okay... so, maybe I was a wee bit of a basket case. Who knew surgery could inspire a mother to have a panicked moment or two? <.< Superhusband's assertions that it was only "minor surgery" didn't help. Minor and surgery don't compute in my head. Minor is having a flu shot, not being put under anesthesia and having someone cut you open-- no matter how non-vital an organ! Plus, ~ahem~ maybe a small handful of you share my wild and unrepentant imagination. It seems to come with writer territory.

Add to this the fact that I can sometimes be a teensy bit overprotective. :/ Ha. "Teensy bit"? Excuse the intrusion, but this is Diana's Brain. As usual, I'm shut out and ignored when she's flailing about in the middle of one of her over-dramatic displays of hysterics. "Teensy bit overprotective"? She volunteers at the preschool she's paying hard-earned money for, readers. And for no good reason other than to make sure his teachers know she's a meddlesome parent who will nose about their classroom. I can only imagine the nightmare that awaits her children as they go off to college--

WHATEVER, Brain. Stop messing around in things that don't concern you. ~clears her throat~ The point is, my four-year-old having ear surgery was a big deal.

My worries were totally understandable! Permanent deafness, bad reaction to anesthesia, the doctor finding something horrible in my child's skull, AH! (My head kept making this noise to me all morning. AH! AH! My brain kept saying, Make it stop. Make it stop. Is there a lobotomist in the house?) How can they have a mom sign all these terrible things that might happen, do you promise not to sue us? waivers without expecting her to at least CONSIDER that she should just take her child home and away from the house of HORROR they were presenting her with?

Four-year-old, for his part, thought the morning was preeeetty awesome. His hospital gown felt like jammies. His bed had wheels, like a race car. It even adjusted and moved up and down; this was fancy stuff.

Until they wheeled him off. Despite warning him that his race car bed would actually zoom him away, he started to panic. Wide, shiny eyes locked with mine, and the grip of his stare was so powerful I was surprised the bed didn't jerk. When he lifted his arms for me my heart broke. Then the lovely and wonderful anesthesiologist took her iPhone from her pocket and placed it on his lap. "You know," she said. "These Angry Birds are so tricky for me. Do you think you could help me with them?"

And just like that, he was perfectly fine. Away he went, shooting pigs on a kind woman's phone. A short while later he was back in my arms and doing just fine in body, but understandably he was not a happy little fella. Not with five staples in his ear.

Nevertheless, the surgery was a success, and his hearing will most likely be fully recovered! That makes me happy beyond words. He's recovering just fine, and at the time of this blog post he's enjoying a Happy Meal and watching The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl. And I imagine he'll be back to mixing potions in no time.